My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other
i began by saying “yo” sarcastically, now it’s how i start half of my sentences
i am 0% the person i was three years ago and i would probably get in a fight with 2011 me
Nobody wants me I’m expired milk
Sometimes expired milk is okay but only after a week but sometimes my grandfather drinks it when it’s really expired because he no longer can taste anything because he’s like 87.
I’m so glad at least your grandpa wants me tell him to hmu for a date
He said no
you know how in some movies the bride/groom calls off the wedding to be with the person they truly love and then they live happily ever after well it’s pretty shitty that the person they were getting married to doesn’t actually get a happy ending but no one seems to care about it to the point that he/she is not even mentioned afterwards as if that person didn’t exist or had feelings at all yeah just a thought
this is not ok
telling time just got 300% more confusing
aesthetically interesting, cognitively nightmarish
Teacher: What’s the time?Me: *Mental breakdown*
I’m so fucking weird
I’m the nicest rude person you’ll ever meet.
I don’t give a fuck about anything but at the same time, I care about a lot.
I hate people but I want to be everyone’s friend.
I hate myself but I’m completely fabulous.
I need help.